'Shadow Night'

I sat staring at the door for a long time after she left. I was not aware of the passing of time; minutes melted into hours and I had not moved or broken my trance. Inside my head, my mind was replaying the scene that made me this way, the scene that would or could never repeat itself, because she was not coming back.

   Somewhere among the hours of numbness, I drifted into sleep, and it was there that the haunting images captured me once again. I still remembered the sensation of astonishment and relief that shivered through me when I opened the door and saw her standing there; I could still recall how it felt to hug her again after all this time; and those were the only things I remembered with absolute clarity. The emotions were dimmed in my inadequate memory - I know I was confused, afraid when I saw the expression on her face, and in my mind I heard myself question what was happening:

   "What's wrong?"

   She merely shook her head, unable to speak.

   My voice, more urgent now: "What's happened?"

   "I'm sorry..." her voice was a whisper, her eyes flickering past me and looking behind, as if she was scared, almost as though she was breaking the rules by being here with me. Then she seemed to get a grip on herself and took a deep breath as if she was preparing to tell me something.

   "Nema..." she began, her voice cracking with pain and regret, "This is so hard for me to say, and I don't know how--"

   I cut her off. I couldn't bear it anymore; I had gathered that whatever was about to pass her lips would turn my world upside down in an indescribable way - I sensed that something was about to change, and most certainly not for the better.

   "Just say it, Azia, please."

   "This will be the last time you see me. Ever."

   I stood, all the air knocked from my lungs momentarily. Unable to breathe, I struggled to put my thoughts into some coherent order, needing to confirm that it wasn't true, that I'd heard wrong or misunderstood, and finally, inadequately: "What?"

   When she didn't answer, I knew I'd heard correctly. I looked into her distressed eyes. "Why? What's going on? Please," I begged her, "tell me what's going on!"

   Her eyes flickered behind me again. "I..." she began, and then she gasped. “I have to go!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, but Nema - remember this: you are never alone." and then she was gone.

   Forever.

I awoke to silence. It was familiar to me now, the sound of emptiness, just as my heart reflected. Somehow, I knew, life would go on, but I didn't know how to begin. I didn't even know I was supposed to feel this way - surely it was not possible to get so attached to a friend, someone I had met minimal times in my life, but still had somehow become the centre of my existence; in my eyes, she belonged in my life. The most unexpected and unforeseen circumstances, such as the ones through which I had met Azia, could bring such utter change to one’s situation, and yet somehow we both knew that we were meant to know the other. Now, life without her would be intolerable.

   I unfolded my lead-like legs and dragged myself across the darkened room to the serving hatch. Fishing for a candle and a match, I watched the flame cast dancing shadows against the walls. Fascinated, my eyes followed a shadow as it detached itself from its two dimensional position and flung itself across the room towards me. It was almost upon me before I realized that shadows could not do that - they were inanimate. A wave of panic overtook me as shadows raced across the room at me, and the next thing I knew, there were no more shadows. The world dissolved before my eyes and I descended into a pit of darkness.